blank.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
because you attend to everyone else's needs instead of mine.because everyone else is much more important than me.
because you just assume im strong without realising that im not.
because you care what others say.
because to you perfection matters.
and because of that,
even though i love you alot,
and probably die and go to hell for this,
for what it's worth.
i hate you.
anxiety attack.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
it comes when i least expect it.major migrane,
sweaty palms,
racy heartbeats.
bursting out crying for no apparent reason whatsoever.
mascara running.
rushed to the toilet to find blades.
break it open.
slicing through the flesh.
red coming out,
slowly seeping creepily.
an eerie calmness.
tears dried up.
mind cleared.
the best remedy so far.
poker champion.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
the silly faces.
we're just too damn bored actually.
library was full of tight ass bitches to be good for eyecandy,
and the freaking wireless keeps on disconnecting,
so we ended up looking like that.
when the place got to cold and i needed to have the nicotine fix badly,
packed up and play poker in the voideck with loud music blasting from my phone,
pretending to be those losers are so much fun.
anyhooooosss i missed you B1,
thanks for cheering me up and making my day.
PAPI PAPI PAPI CHULO LOLOLOLOLOLO.
xoxo.
why not the others,why must it still be you?
Sunday, June 15, 2008
i don't get it,seriously i don't.
apparently im a liar?
since when did i lied to you amber?
when?
you said to her i lied to you a lot,and then you cant take it anymore.
wtf,YOU LEFT ME OKAY.
all alone to pick up the pieces all by myself without knowing why,
and now you said i lied?
i never did okay,never once i lied when im with you.
you left so suddenly,
with no goodbyes and how is that my fault?
am i a joke to you?
its all clearer now.
i get the picture.
were you just pretending?
from the start,is it all an act?
when you said all those things,that i keep replaying on my mind over and over again..
you never meant it did you.
i was just another game.
you never did loved me at all.
did you?
i guess after all i knew deep inside,all those answers to my own questions.
but i just kept denying that fact cause i wanna keep holding on.
because i tell myself that you did ever loved me,
and i don't ever want to forget that.
i don't want to forget your beautiful brown eyes,
your warm embrace..your cute smirk that you have.
even though you only exsist in my meagre memories,
i still treasure it with all my might.
in every detail..like the first time we met.
21january,what you wore..what you said.
all those little moments we shared.
all because i love you amber.
i love you so very much.
and i will still love you.
even if you don't love me back.
the weirdo.
Saturday, June 14, 2008
in a way somehow,im glad that those things happen.
if not,
you wouldn't realise how much she was really suffocating you.
like leeches.
but still,
i hope your fine,and nothing really major would happen next.
amber obsession still on.
despite getting tired of actually missing that person,
i still do.
every single day.
and im probably going crazy,because lately i've been talking to my pillow alot.
like serious one way conversations.
and now that i think about it,it's kinda scary in a way.
OMFG.
i call him danny btw(the pillow),
no idea why its sorta natural.
but danny filled in the blanks though.
of my really empty life.
i love you danny.
ITS OFFICIAL,IM COOL.
pink panther.
Friday, June 13, 2008
i am so freaking tired but still im not asleep.
WTF.
oooo friday the 13th.
kinky kinky.
was hoping to "bump" into amber today at that stupid club he always frequent,
but sadly with my dumb luck,
i didn't.
on a happy note though,
the birthday girl got drunk.
hahah,
HAPPY 21st INSHIRA ILYANA.
(eeeeeeeeee so old laa.)
and i got these fabulous comfy flats too.
yay happy happy hooo haaaaa.
haha.
ice cream orgasms.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
seriously,it always happens when im freaking broke to the core.
like wtf all those ultra hot flats i've been eyeing on for a super long time is only 20 fucking dollars now.i'm super pissed.
i want those shoes badly.
(note to self:ask the dad.)btw,
i really feel like punching someone right in the face.
i have no idea why.
but i really have this urge to.
and this is driving me crazy.
haha.
