playing rainbows.
Sunday, August 31, 2008
hands high up in the air,mashed up bodies move as one.
eyes closed,minds at peace.
music blasting.
pretty people all around.
girlish boys and boyish girls.
kinky small talks on the floor.
smokes in hand,
brains intoxicated.
secret kisses,stolen virginitys.
unknown faces and fake names.
smiles thrown all around.
sweating,heartbeats rushing.
makeup's running.
everybody moves.
A BEAUTIFUL NIGHT.
once.
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Are you really here or am I dreaming..I can't tell dreams from truth.
for it's been so long since I have seen you..
I can hardly remember your face anymore.
When I get really lonely..
and the distance causes our silence.
I think of you smiling with pride in your eyes
a lover that sighs.
IF YOU WANT ME SATISFY ME
IF YOU WANT ME SATISFY ME.
Are you really sure..
that you’d believe me?
when others say I lie.
I wonder if you could ever..
despise me.
when you know I really try to be a better one,
to satisfy you.
for your everything to me and I’ll do what you ask me..
if you’ll let me be
free.
second thoughts.
Friday, August 29, 2008
what if i feel guilty?for my actions.
what if i have to eat up my own fucking words?
what if people get the wrong idea,
of what i wanted to say.
should i care,or just be worse.
i think i'll choose the darkest side.
they say honesty is the best policy.
so yea,i can lie to others.
but i wont cheat my own feelings.
point the finger at me,please.
do make me the object of your hatred.
make everyone else hate me too if you have the time.
i refuse to say sorry,
even if i am.
because i'll say what i want and you can't stop me.
pretend.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
sometimes i hug my pillow and make believe you're here.39.6
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
never before i shivered so bad.was so cold i almost wished i died.
almost.
maybe its karma's way of punishing me.
for all those recent bitchy post.
well im sorry.
okay no im not.
i still hate milfs.
and i still think that someone is suffocating.
and im still not sorry for saying all those stuff about my own sister.
because i am a bitch.
a loser who is pathetic and disgusting or whatever.
i know you'll have your opinions on me.
good or bad it doesnt make any difference in my life.
yes i am ugly and fat and super tragic.
a sad excuse for a girl.
yes i do cut myself up when things get too hard too handle.
go on say it.
put up hate blogs about me.
see if i care.
(okay im just really bored to death,i just need to complain and whine because im sick and i hate feeling like this.okay emilia just shut the fuck up.)
too much time.
WATCHED AND LOVED.
and the fave,for my yagboy kyle.
loves jake,do watch.
nights.
cranky.
im sick.
phsyically.
fucked up migranes,stupid fever.
shivering through the night.
aching feets.
i hate being sick.
mentally sick.
because of emoshits who annoys the hell out of me.
i dont get it.
just because you're emotionally unstable,
doesn't mean i get to be your bloody postman.
seriously,
here i am curing a fucking migrane,
there you are annoying me with pleads and threats.
i have a whole lot of better things to do.
do i bother you with my moodswings and pussy moments.
HELL NO.
so why are you bothering me.
and thats my friend you're talking about.
what do you mean she doesnt care.
she does.
she cries whine and forget her bloody friends because of you and you still say she dont care.
stop it with your insecurities.
all she do is spend a whole lot of time with you,
doing hatever the hell you want.
breaking a whole lot of boundaries,
just for you.
stop being an ungrateful whiny ass and do realise she loves you.
she my friend for goodness sake.
you know i have her back anytime.
even when she's in the wrong,
i'll still say she's right.
i know her well enough.
i know your going to read all this,
sooner or later.
just like the rest.
and then there will be one more person hating me.
you can say whatever you want to.
but whatever it is it wont be as hurtful as what he had said.
so yea.
but i dont fucking care.
im not into making more friends.
or sucking up to people just so they would like me.
or wanting to climb up the social ladder for that matter.
i dont hate you.
i really dont.
but sometimes you just get on my nerves and i feel like punching the wall and make my knuckles bleed.
just so i can avoid you and feel the pain instead.
i have my own shit.
i dont need your messed up love life to be tangled in instead.
i cant handle my own problems.
dont you get that?
you dont have to tell me your sob stories and make me feel left out just because your in love.
im fine if you want to be with her 24/7.
because im use to not have my friend around anymore.
it better that way i guess,rather than being around her and there's you.
its just so suffocating.
i know im not suppose to feel this way,
i know i shouldnt.
but i cant help it.
im not a hypocrite.
really fucked up now,
i feel so agitated im going to cut tonight.
maybe im just cranky because im sick.
im sorry.
you are a nice person,
but she comes first.
whatever it is.
so please do understand.
he who laughs for no reason.
Sunday, August 24, 2008
I WORKED WITH A CRAZY DUDE TODAY,
AND I ALMOST PUNCH HIM IN THE FACE.
GOD HELP HIM.
PLEASE.
(oh mr rascal thanks for making me wait,
while you're happily sleeping.
you motherfucker.)
humbled.
Saturday, August 23, 2008
in the past week,i have met people in all walks of life.
some nice,some not very nice.
work can be a really humbling process.
and somehow it had taught me to be a little bit more appreciative of what i already have,
rather than moping around for something i dont own.
anymore.
YOU.
the post is going out to you.
again,as usual.
i want to thank you.
i cant have you but at least i had you before and its enough.
thanks for making me believe in it.
for making it real.
for making me feel that at least for once in my life that i was special.
even if it was for a short moment.
i'll probably gonna still cry,
still mope around over you in times to come,
but for now, i just feel really content with my life.
i had it and i lost it.
but it is really okay.
you probably did it just to hurt me,
well it worked you hurt me.
and now there's nothing else i can do.
i know by writing this again and again,
its making me sound like some pathetic loser that cant seem to move on.
but i dont care,
i cant let go.
and im still clinging on by a thread of hope that isnt even there.
i heard it gets better in time.
will it?
tired.
Saturday, August 16, 2008
i didnt know work could be so tiring.
all the fake smiles and cheeky talks.
but well its a good distraction from all the other shit that is happening.
stupid older woman younger man thing that i so hate.
somehow i know i was probably the one at fault asking you to add him up.
but now i hate myself for doing that,i mean you didnt have to pass him your freaking number right? and YOU DONT HAVE TO GLOAT THAT HE LIKES YOU TO EVERYONE.
and oh,dont you like have other things to worry about like the fucking case about your stupid husband that you love so much?
to think i use to pity you when it happened.
i havent been thinking about you lately.
but when someone mentioned your name today..
it seemed that you are still in here, right in my head after all.
flashbacks of kisses and hugs,
those unspoken words that seemed so real,
which in reality is all just make believe.
you're a mind block i just cant get rid of.
why are you so mean?
what in the world have i done to you,
that this is how you're treating me?
why do you hate me so much?
LOOK AT WHAT YOU MADE ME DO.
itching.
Thursday, August 14, 2008
THE URGE,
seriously.
show.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
i want to watch this badly.
but i cant seem to find it anywhere.
NBCB.
i'm.
in psych mode,
DO NOT DISTURB.
a first.
Sunday, August 10, 2008
a really really nice public holiday.
cant believe she is now officially a mrs,but still she is beautiful.
as elfie put it,exotic nigga doll.
had the most amazing time with my babies,
that was all i need.
the best i ever had in weeks.
oh we watched money no enough 2 at princess today,
with kfc's and waffle crisps and milk in hand..
me and mami actually shed some droplets of tears AGAIN.
i mean it was so uncalled for but,being the bluepussy emoshitty asses we are now
we cried during some scenes.
and it was so embarrasing because no one else did.
i feel like everyone's eyes were looking us laaaaaa.
even elfie didn't.
he said"it wasn't those tear-jerking moment."
i was like WHATTTTtttttttttttttttttttttttt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
okay we seriously need to control our overwehlming emotions.
oh fuck it,so what right.
who the fuck cares.
i can cry wherever i want.
HAHA.
okay im in happy mode.
BOOYAH.
lazy mornings.
Thursday, August 7, 2008
almost perfect,
but elfie princess we need you.
badly.
see you on national day baby.
we're gonna rock that wedding.
cant wait.
a song for you.
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Inspite of all the consequenceInspite of all my pride
Inspite of little things you said
That hide me deep inside
I believe your love
I breathe your love
Like the air in the morning
I sleep your love
I salute your love
And I can't get away
Baby when the lights go out
I hear you calling (I hear you calling)
Baby when the lights go out
I need you
The lights of all you see
You could have overcome all this
AND I STILL CANT GET OVER YOU
ARE YOU SOMEONE I'LL FOREVER MISS?
I believed your love
I can feel your love
And that's all that I wanted
I sleep your love
I salute your love
And I can't get away
And there's the dark, begins to rain
The sound is heavy on me
Under the spell I wanna be under your touch
Under the spell I wanna be under the rush
Baby when the lights go out
I need you
guetta,the man.
OOPPPPSSS.
Friday, August 1, 2008
something happened at the very last minute and i couldnt handle it.so yea,i just really had too.
and the camera just so happen to be fully charge so i took some pictures.
yay.
NOT.
instant relapse.
i'll start from tomorrow onwards.
promise.
HAHA.
try.
got to stop.
really really.
it's getting everyone's panties in a knot.
close far here and there.
see amber,others do at least care about me.
OKAY DAY ONE COLD TURKEY.
(no more no more.)
