oh yes, it hurts.

like this.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

i officially miss these people.
soon okay.

{ 12:14 AM }

dont need another after all.

Monday, July 28, 2008

someone sent me a smile.
after a slight misunderstanding.
i really miss her i do.

"i know it was totally my bad, i thought it was cancel so i got a new plan on saturday. sorry if i didnt text u or anything, my hp is down. but im seriously sorry for whatever happen last saturday, i know ur pissed with me, everything just changed. whatever it is i miss you B2 and please do get back to me. =S

LoVe, V"

to you,
im sorry too.
i was really cranky.
i love you too mami.
xoxo,
love.

{ 3:35 AM }

attention everyone.

Saturday, July 26, 2008

I NEED A NEW BESTFRIEND.
IMMEDIATELY.
(because my current dont have time anymore,her world spins differently now that she's attached and in a stupid honeymoon period where they are constantly clingy and attached to the hips so it's kind of getting annoying and just really unbearable.i need help fast.)

{ 6:30 PM }

over,on repeat mode.

Friday, July 25, 2008

I watched the walls around me crumble.
But its not like I won't build them up again.
So here's your last chance for redemption,
So take it while it lasts because it will end.
And my tears are turning into time,
I've wasted trying to find a reason for goodbye.

I cant live without you.
Can't breathe without you,
I dream about you honestly..
Tell me that its over,
Because if the world is spinning and I'm still living,
It wont be right if were not in it together.
Tell me that it's over..
And I'll be the first to go..
Don't want to be the last to know..

I won't be the one to chase you,
But at the same time you're the heart that I call home,
I'm always stuck with these emotions..
And the more I try to feel the less I'm whole,
My tears are turning into time..
I've wasted trying to find a reason for goodbye..
Honestly tell me..
Don't tell me that its over..

Don't tell me that its over..

xoxo,
crushed.

{ 1:35 AM }

insomnia.

Monday, July 21, 2008

"messy, depressed, introverted, feels invisible, does not make friends easily, nihilistic, reveals little about self, fragile, dark, bizarre, feels undesirable, dislikes leadership, reclusive, weird, irritable, frequently second guesses self, unassertive, unsympathetic, low self control, observer, worrying, phobic, suspicious, unproductive, avoidant, negative, bad at saving money, emotionally sensitive, does not like to stand out, dislikes large parties, submissive, daydreamer "-

I COULDN'T SLEEP AND WAS ON MSN,TALKING TO LILI WHEN SHE STUMBLED ACROSS THIS WEBSITE WHERE YOU CAN ROUGHLY KNOW WHAT'S YOUR PERSONALITY IS LIKE BY ANSWERING A FEW QUESTIONS SO I TOOK IT AND THAT IS THE RESULT.TOTALLY ME AIN'T IT.HAHA.SEE WHAT INSOMANIACS DO AT NIGHT.
OKAY I SHOULD FORCE MYSELF TO SLEEP NOW.BYE.

{ 4:09 AM }

it's time 2101.

Sunday, July 20, 2008

there's nothing else much to say that haven't been said.i get your point now,i really do.

i still dont know why,and i probably won't ever get to.

but i decided that its gonna be just fine that way.

you really felt that way,and there is nothing that i can do or say that can change that.

you're not the person i thought you are.

now i now its all just a facade,whatever that have been promised was all a lie.

i dont even know who you are anymore.

but thats okay,cause i had you once and its good enough for me.

even if it all was just a lie,im content.

all hope is lost.

its have just been too long.

i am sorry,if i was never a good girlfriend.

i tried my best,but it was never good enough for you.

i now you are happily moving on great with your life,and im proud of you.

whatever makes you happy,gendeng.

never will i forget the good times,

where i know how love feels.

thank you for making me believe in it.

but,

it's time to let you go.

i want you drain away,

its easier on my soul..

better off this way.

{ 5:48 AM }

late apology.

because you deserve an apology,and you know im no goood at that.

that entry wasn't just for you,its for everybody i know and you know who they are.and you gotta understand i wrote that isn a state of lonliness and confusion,of all those amber shit.you know why im always cranky.you know,that kinda feeling when you're all alone in your little world and the everybody just seem to walk out on you and you have no one to call your own,you just have to smile and bask in their happines instead. really i need to get him out of my system,it's just been too damn long.and i am trying,believe me i am.but still,im sorry,if i have hurt you in any way possible,but you do know im not the sort who would talk about anything at all.therefore,i have to apologise through this,and i hope you'll forgive mewith all your heart,and we'll stay this way forever.you and i.i love you babe,and i want you to know that,even if i dont say it often.even if i ever did say i don't.

{ 2:25 AM }

empty streets.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

The city feels clean this time of night.

Just empty streets and me walking home to clear my head.

I know it came as no surprise.

I'm affected more than I had guessed on what was said.

If the smile's not meant to be.

If the heart's not ready to open.

If we make it I won't see how it's broken.

It's the quiet time before the dawn.

And I'm half past making sense of it, was I wrong?

Should I claim to give it all.

In a world where not much ever seems to last long.

how its broken.

{ 4:26 AM }

numb.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

i just got an attack,
and had blade happy moment..
so now while reading people's blog which is so nice and happy happy hoo haa..
and watching videos of LOVELY GUYS SING LOVELY SONGS(not.)
which seri had the cheek to send me on msn because apparently they are "my type",
lying on my tummy facing my s.l.o.w lappie,
and realised it hurts so bad.
the pain is just so excruciating from the frenzy 3 hours ago.
it is getting bad that i probably cant sleep later.
but heck,the pain is numbing me.
and i so love it.
really.

feeling numb,
is making me ssssiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiggggggggggg...
a song by spice girls..
'come a little bit closer baby...
get it on get it on..
cause tonight,is the ni..ght...........
when two become oneeeeeeeeeeeeeeee'

oh well.

{ 2:21 AM }

faux pas.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

(btw i love slutty photos,just so everyone knows.)

happy birthday mom.

{ 1:44 AM }

times like this.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

as much as birthdays go,

i so hate it..to be reminded of getting older,

of the past years of hell i've been through.

its just pure torture.

but hell..for these boys that i love,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

a year old danish zul iman=)

and for the older baby,

whom is much missed due to freaking o.p.s or whatever its called.

our kyle elfie miller,

happy 22nd.

absence do make the heart grow fonder.

may you get all you ever wanted with your 22 wishes in one blue candle.

more of this night please.

where it's just the three of us,

with past is gone,

and just the present matters.

because only you guys can make me forget,

of those amber moments that is so hard to fade away.

with loud laughters evoking happy tears.

beautiful smiles all around.

so with that,

happy birthday mr elfie.

we love you.

{ 12:56 AM }

saturdays.

Saturday, July 5, 2008

seriously,im sick of being a lampost to everyone.
its just depressing,to be in the middle of everything.
laughs,fights all those shit you people go through,
im sick of it.
all of you can go take your stupid honeymoon somewhere else because frankly all this is getting more and more annoying.
and please dont come crying on my shoulders telling me your freaking problems when you fight because i really dont give a shit anymore.
even if you're my bestfriend,my cousin or whoever the fuck you are.
it all will just end up the same.
you'll still be together in the end so there is really no point of fighting ain't it.
so much of pretending to break up or blah blah blah.
and i will still be here,
alone all over again.
i dont need friends like this.
i rather be alone in my miserable world then to be a freaking lampost.
who the fuck do you take me for.
i have feelings too,even if you think i dont.

and thanks people,
for letting me spend my pathetic saturday alone.

{ 8:27 PM }

idle.

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

awesome news,
BABY V CAN DRIVE NOW.
im so happy now she can drive me around.
yippe haha hoo hoo.
she drove me for the first time last night and that ass is a freaking speed demon.
wth my heart was practically jumping all over.
lucky it was like one am so the highways were empty.
and with our "good" sense of direction we actually got lost.
it took one freaking hour to get to town.
lucky alex came in handy.
blasting music wind in the hair..
sticks in the hand,
sipping slurpee,
like those good old times.
the only thing was missing was elfie.
we really missed you dude.
come home soon please.
and oh,
when i came home and still cant sleep even though im so tired.
so i watched videos on youtube and i just realise that i really missed marshall.
and i went to watch ALL his videos on youtube till my eyelids weighs a ton and i finally slept.
marry me dear marshall.

P.S:im still missing you amber,
always have,always will.

{ 1:14 AM }