oh yes, it hurts.

maybe tomorrow?

Sunday, November 30, 2008

but what if,
we only have today?

{ 4:36 PM }

playdates.

much needed treat.

was awesome,still is.

too packed for comfort,

but who cares anyway.

arms flying,emotions running.

shrieking voices,aching feets.

boys boys and more boys.

p.s,

DOORGIFT WAS THE ULTIMATE!

{ 6:18 AM }

saturday boys.

Friday, November 28, 2008

need to find a new hideout.
that place is getting known.
and they are flocking there just to up their fucking game.
i mean, come on.
you got your normal petty girly girls and boyish boys club to shake it.
why invade the weird ones?
im getting sick of commoners in play.
the crowd is getting normal by the day.
the beats too are even more mainstream to cater to stupid people.
oh well,maybe we should just go taboo(yuck!) instead.

last playdate tomorrow.
for old times sake.

{ 6:10 PM }

"fuck yea"

Thursday, November 27, 2008

boredom drives me insane.

a total of 10 hours of sleep for the pass 4 days.

awesome eyebags.

cancelled plans.

unspoken apologies.

please forgive me if needed.

i miss V.

that ass is coming home tomorrow.

"fuck yea!"

sand and pebbles.

december is coming!

oh,

but i hate december.

i dont make any sense at all.

must be the lack of sleep.

{ 9:20 PM }

fuck la.

I NEED A NEW CHARGER,PRONTO.
(seriously,this is getting a little out of hand.)

{ 1:58 AM }

like an..

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

escape.
from the reality as it is.
away from the ache.
the pain so deep.
blood tat removes the tears.
numbs the mind.
like the whole world in loud silence.
and then comes bliss.
total serenity.
peaceful and calm.
spilts open.
trickling through.
drop
drop
slowly to the floor
removing all,
the fear
the anger
the pain.

and everything would be okay again.

{ 4:30 AM }

today's hororscope.

Monday, November 24, 2008

" It may be time to give up on a goal.
You had high hopes, but it's best to move on."

so easy to say.
if only it was.
hairul smiled sincerly today.
if i havent been awake for more than 24 hours straight
then it will probably make my day.
for that is a smile i kinda miss, back when you were nicer.
a friend i can always rely on.
situations changing,rapidly drifting futher apart.
it sad how we're here now.
i guess sleep deprivation pushes out all those pent up
feelings inside.
i can suddenly ponder on where all those people once makes a difference
perished to.
i hate feeling all strung up like this.
oh fuck it.
i need lykke li.
and a dosage of horse tranquilizer of some sort.
goodnight.

{ 1:55 AM }

teddy loves midgets.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

messy.

sloppy.

too slow.

too big.

too small.

too crooked.

not good enough.

never good enough.

fucking midgets,fucking hr people.

i'll get you soon,dont worry.

{ 2:19 AM }

hanging high.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Oh thunder in my heart

These razors cutting sharp

And leaves me with an ever bleeding scar

So soft, so suddenly

So that I can not breathe

I'm drawn into a circle painted black

Oh I'm hanging high

Oh won't you let me down

Back where I started at

You know I'm a little lost

And when it hurts the most

I'll push a little more

I'm back where I started at

You know I'm a little lost

Like lightning in my heart

A kiss so burning hot

I'm hanging on a thread that's bound to drop

Like rain on open skies

Don't know the reason why

But I'll always choose the black in front of white.

{ 4:28 AM }

carefree.

Monday, November 17, 2008

oh its so fucked up,stupid schedule. fucking tired,
my legs cannot stand this torture no more.
one more month to go! it doesnt help that V is not
in the same routine as me. DAMN IT.
work sucks,i hate freaking foreigners and i miss
everyone.boo-fucking-hoo.
it is so not a wonderful life.

{ 6:48 PM }

tonight.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

push my back so i make sure

you're right behind me as before

yesterday the night before tomorrow

dry my eyes so you won't know

dry my eyes so i won't show

i know you're right behind me

and don't you let me go, let me go tonight

don't you let me go, let me go tonight

you walk the surface of this town

the high heels above the ground

and high horses that we know

keep us safe until the night

you know them all, i know it all

stay put and play along'cause i'm looking for my friend

now i got you, got you.

(lykke li,you're awesome.)

{ 3:02 AM }

rizzo.

Friday, November 14, 2008

my kind of woman.

awesome shades.

bursting with attitude.

and the best thing is,

she got kenickie!

who is way hotter

in my opinion.

(i so need to get a life).

{ 7:32 PM }

november.

Monday, November 10, 2008

I was afraid to be alone
Now I'm scared thats how I'd like to be
All these faces none the same
How can there be so many personalities
So many lifeless empty hands
So many hearts in great demand
And now my sorrow seems so far away
Until I'm taken by these bolts of pain
But I turn them off and tuck them away 'till these rainy days that make them stay
And then I'll cry so hard to these sad songs
And the words still ring, once here now gone
And they echo through my head everyday
And I dont think they'll ever go away

So were speeding towards that time of year
To the day that marks that you're not here
And i think I'll want to be alone
So please understand if I dont answer the phone
I'll just sit and stare at my deep blue walls
Until I can see nothing at all
Only particles some fast some slow
All my eyes can see is all I know
-29/12.

{ 1:15 AM }

them.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

they kept me occupied.

my distractions for now.

{ 2:49 AM }

dreaming.

Saturday, November 8, 2008

i cried last night because i dont remember your face.

and it scares me to think that im slowly letting go

without realising that sometimes i dont even miss you at all.

i will lose all sense of direction because holding on to what little i have

is the only way you're in my life and when everything's gone,

what more do i have?

i try,to take on something new but somehow

it always leads back to you.

i may forget your face,

but those words still haunt me in my sleep,

and sometimes i lay awake in the middle of the night

i hear those whispers and turn on the lights but you're not there.

you were never there.

the words ring in my ears, barely audible but i heard it.

it may not be real,

you may not even say it at the first place

but it never fails to tear.

i hug my pillow so tight,and brush my fingers on my cheeks

close my eyes and relive that night.

i wish i can stay that way forever.

your warmth keeps me sane.

it hurts so bad when i think of you,

even more when i miss you.

when will this ever end.

what if i never let go?

{ 3:43 AM }

troubled.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

"sometimes there's so much beauty in the world i feel like i cant take it."

{ 2:23 AM }

fairytale.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

so here we go,
i have a wonderful tale today.
so there was this lady(lets call her annie.)
she have 4 kids.
lets focus on the first two.
shantel and erwin.
both are not really that beautiful girls.
and add an evil stepdad,Martin.

so they have cousins of course.
aliana and esmeralda.
these girls love asking shantel and erwin out,
but they will always refuse, using martin as an excuse.
to cut the story short,
now that that fucking martin is out of the picture,
shantel and erwin still refuses to hang out with aliana and esmeralda.
moral of the story?
dont ever take pity on girls like shantel and erwin and even the stupid annie.
i mean you yourself dont take the inintiative to visit your family,
after everything we've done for you.
you dont even pity your kids,even after what they been through.
but on the other hand, both shantel and erwin dont even feel traumatised from outr observation that some people even come to the conclusion that you like being fucked by him.
HOW GROSS.
i am utterly digusted by the 3 of you.
seriously,how could you guys live with yourself after what had happen.
where is the remorse,the pain, the guilt?
we pitied you,gave you food and support yet you dont even appreciate it.
you dont even come over an express your gratitude to everyone.
family doesnt seem to be as important as your milf dangdut pals eh annie?
i dont even know what to say anymore.
it all just doesnt make sense.
and i guess you guys deserve it.
so much for the tears and drama.
i am ashamed of myself to even have pitied you guys at the first place.
it havent even been months and you guys have the cheek to travel and have fun.
please stop acting poor.
i know you guys have money and stuff.
so why act like a charity case.
and now your milf friend who just divorced and now have a kl boyfriend is living with you.
wah enjoy la eh.
kangkang jer la korang.
to think that after all that have happen,you'll turn into a new leaf or something.
be closer to family or what not,
but no.
well congratulations annie.
you are a wonderful mother.
no wonder your kids take over your flirty ways.
follow the example you've lead.
well the fuck three of you.
you guys can rot and die for all i care but please dont come here with your pity stories,
money woes and stuffs and expect us to solve it for you.
because frankly,
you deserve it.
you do.

well somehow the above tale was fictional.
haha right.
but if you think you're annie,
shantel or erwin.
please.
for the sake of the two little kids,
change your ways.
dont let them turn out like you.
oh please do read adlynn's blog to have a clearer idea of what we think of the 3 of you.you know who you are.
have a nice day.

{ 4:42 PM }

sometimes.

it gets easier i guess.

to pretend im okay.

to make believe im over you.

to deny it never did happen and everything was fine.

but sometimes,

visions of you just popped.

out of nowhere, interrupting my train of thoughts.

so vividly sometimes i think you're there.

it scares me at times,

cause i cant tell reality from truth.

but it still hurts though,

to still pretend you're here and i didnt notice.

(oh mr ted,i just cant wait!)

{ 3:12 AM }

.....

Saturday, November 1, 2008

A few questions that I need to know

how you could ever hurt me so

I need to know what I've done wrong

and how long it's been going on

Was it that I never paid enough attention?

Or did I not give enough affection?

Not only will your answers keep me sane

but I'll know never to make the same mistake again

You can tell me to my face

or even on the phone

You can write it in a letter,

either way, I have to know

Did I never treat you right?

Did I always start the fight?

Either way, I'm going out of my mind

all the answers to my questions

I have to find.

{ 5:33 PM }

fly.

mixed plans.

rushed hours.

glitters and feathers.

hotels and clubs.

ultra pretty boys.

a couple of angels.

captain.

and a long haired in denial ghost.

from zouk to play.

i had fun.

{ 5:30 AM }